It’s been quite a while since I’ve posted something produced by my own brain. It has been hard to blog and live one hell of a busy life the last few months. Let me start by confessing that fatherhood is not for the weak or pompous. In the 10 months before Zoie arrived and in the 10 months since she arrived into this world, my life has been one big beautiful bundle of chaos. I never knew that you can exist in a constant state of exhaustion and joy, worry and contentment, defense and offense.
I heard the tales of sleepless nights and the zombie effect in work meetings. The occasional spot of poo or projectile vomit, leftover from the morning festivities of kissing your child goodbye. Being the only one in the office that smells like baby wipes and diapers. And yawning rough presentations in front of people who constantly like to remind you that your eyes are red and that you finished off the coffee pot, again. For the second time that day. Yes my friend, I heard the tales. But somehow I thought I was different, special immune even to the trials of old that we’re shared with me by men who have performed he at of parenthood three and four times over. I somehow knew that I was different. I just knew that natural progression over the generations had to mean that technology and innovation was on my side and these beta tape fathers need to watch and learn. Let me admit to history that no new father is special, immune, or different. I dealt with the same stuff that the last hundred billion fathers throughout history dealt with. Sure the diapers have gotten more innovative and the baby monitors sync to my iPad but it’s all for almost nothing because a baby will always do what a baby is supposed to do. Cry, eat, shit, pea, repeat. Babies have perfected this over the millennia and no matter how many classes, no matter how many “keep it real” and “let me holler at you bruh” conversations you get pulled into, the fact is you will not be ready.
You will not be prepared for the immediate loss of sleep that comes with the news of “we’re pregnant”. FYI- do not respond to those words with a blank stare, no smile, or the words “how, shit, damn, or aww man”. You will regret it. Be joyful, proud and excited in he moment and save your natural male “provider in shock” instinctual reaction for your mans n dem. I for one did not make such mistakes but I have poured shots for the poor souls that did. You will not be prepared for the reality of another mouth to feed, the time off work that you may not get paid for in order to be there with your significant other at doctors appointments and the all important scanning day for the retailer(s) where you two have your baby registry. You will not be ready for the changes that a woman goes through. And you will not be ready for everything to be your fault. Just shut up, apologize without explanation and rub her feet. You’re welcome. If you have a good woman, she will realize at some point that half of what she is saying is not how she really feels about you and will inform you of such. But under no misunderstanding should you expect such colorful expressions of her pregnant self to stop. Nor should you take them personal or ignore them. Once again, you’re welcome. And after 10 months of keeping up this enhanced version of your once considered legendary self, then the real challenge begins (utmost level of sarcasm), the baby is born.
There is no explanation that I am willing to provide for what a man, husband feels when his child is born. Your experience is your own and is not to be compared to anyone else’s. All of us fathers understand each other on a different level and you’re just going to have to earn, learn and understand that piece of the life circle on your own. And it’s that common understanding among, men, among Fathers is the reason why we are celebrated on Father’s Day. For our unique sacrifices, experiences and emotions, we, who have taken up the mantle of being a father, role model and mentor, the world salutes you!! For being the first, in many facets in the life of a child, the world salutes you. For trusting in whatever higher authority outside of yourself in order to provide and be the best man possible for your child(ren), the world salutes you.
I wish of you fellow good men, a very Happy Father’s Day!!!!